Here’s the truth about relationships: Money talks can get awkward.
From his experience working with hundreds of couples, Andrew Lokenauth, money expert and owner of BeFluentInFinance, said communication issues around money cause the most damage. “I’ve seen countless relationships strain because partners avoid talking about finances until it becomes a crisis. One couple I worked with wouldn’t discuss money for three years — and ended up $50,000 in credit card debt, because neither wanted to admit their spending habits.”
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Whether it’s clashing spending styles, secret credit card debt or just avoiding the money convo altogether, financial blocks between couples are more common than you think. The good news? They’re also fixable.
Here’s a look at some of the most common money hurdles couples face — and how to break through them together, without the drama.
Avoiding Financial Conversations
According to Chris Heerlein, CEO of REAP Financial, many partners don’t talk openly about spending habits, debt or long-term goals until conflict forces the issue. That silence, he explained, creates tension and missed opportunities.
“We encourage couples to set a recurring monthly money check-in where they can talk openly about expenses, plans and priorities without judgment,” he said.
While it doesn’t have to be formal, it does need to be consistent.
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Mismatched Values Around Money
One partner might prioritize saving while the other values experiences or generosity. Neither is wrong, but they pull in opposite directions if not addressed.
Heerlein worked with a couple where one spouse was saving aggressively for retirement while the other was supporting extended family. Once they built a shared cash flow plan that accounted for both priorities, he said they stopped arguing and actually saved more.
Lokenauth shared the similar view that a major block is misaligned money values and goals. “Like this one couple I counseled — she was all about saving for early retirement while he kept buying expensive cars.”
He explained that this couple would fight constantly, because they never established shared financial priorities. After he got them to create a joint vision for their future, things improved dramatically.
Operating With Separate Financial Systems
It’s common for couples to keep finances split, especially if they’ve had bad experiences in the past. But without some level of shared planning and visibility, Heerlein said it’s hard to work toward mutual goals.
Keep in mind: Combining finances doesn’t always mean joint accounts; it means joint clarity.
Couples who align their systems, even loosely, tend to build more wealth, because they’re rowing in the same direction.
Secret Spending
A study by Bread Financial found that 45% of people in relationships have committed some kind of financial infidelity, like hiding spending, and 23% would break up with their partner if they learned of financial infidelity.
Lokenauth said he dealt with a case where one partner hid $30,000 of online shopping debt for years. “The deception damaged trust way more than the actual amount.”
He observed that when couples keep financial secrets, it prevents them from working as a team to build wealth.
How To Break Through These Blocks
These steps can help you start building wealth together.
Schedule Regular ‘Money Dates’ and Make Them Fun
One of Lokenauth’s client couples meets monthly over wine to review their finances. They track progress on joint goals and celebrate wins together.
He said creating positive associations with money talks makes a huge difference.
Create a Shared Financial Vision
Another strategy Lokenauth employs is having partners individually write their ideal financial future, then combine the visions into one plan they’re both excited about.
He said this alignment is crucial. “I’ve seen net worth increase two to three times faster when couples work toward common goals.”
Be Radically Transparent About Spending
Lokenauth recommended sharing all accounts, debts and purchases over $100.
One couple he worked with struggled until they started using a shared budgeting app. Now they message each other about expenses and make spending decisions together.
Set Up Separate ‘Fun Money’ Accounts
Here, each partner gets discretionary cash they can spend without judgment.
Lokenauth said this prevents resentment while maintaining transparency for shared finances. “Most successful couples I work with allocate 5% to 10% of income to individual spending.”
Automate Your Wealth Building
To avoid issues, Lokenauth advised setting up automatic transfers to investment and savings accounts before money hits your checking.
One of his clients automated $2,000 each month. “They barely notice it’s gone but have built $100,000 plus in investments.”
Get Professional Help Early
Lokenauth recommended meeting with a financial planner as a couple before problems arise. “The most successful pairs I’ve worked with treat it like marriage counseling — preventative maintenance instead of crisis intervention.”
Ultimately, breaking through financial blocks requires consistent communication, shared goals and total transparency. Focus on building trust and teamwork around money.
As Lokenauth put it: “When couples align their financial lives, wealth naturally follows.”
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This article originally appeared on GOBankingRates.com: 4 Financial Blocks That Keep Couples From Building Wealth and How To Break Through Them
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